To clarify. To unify. To intensify.

This year’s Staff Expedition have concluded. 6 days in total, 3 nights in the wild. Close to a hundred kilometres in paddling. I came here with a mindset of getting it over and done with. I was prepared to simply get screwed for three nights and get it done. It was a job to do and I have to get it done. Hence, this expedition, I didn’t bring much. Not even my beloved things that I always bring along, such as my field chair, my sleeping mat and bag, my insect trapper and many more. I was prepared to rough it out and get it through. Three days. They can’t kill me in three days and I won’t die even if I were to sleep butt naked in the wild. I will suffer, but I won’t die. That’s for sure. Right?

Last year expedition was an attempt to get everyone to understand me a little better. This time round, I didn’t really know what’s the agenda for me. If you ask me, perhaps it is to clarify, to unify and to intensify – a nice way to put across what I think it is about.

To clarify – to seek clarity for ourselves, our goals, our thoughts and feelings, and our purpose in doing what we do.

To unify – to unify our department – to being alignment to the different moving parts of the organisation so that there will be better efficiency nd cohesion at work.

To intensify – to intensify the feelings, values and culture for the organisation. And of course, the technical expertise that we pass on to our participants.

Haven’t been sleeping much for the past few days hence my thoughts may be muffled. But one important agenda of this post I remember is to give thanks. I do not want to be excessive with my words just to create goodwill, but I really do appreciate the kindness that has been shown to me during this trip. And I really mean EACH AND EVERYONE in the team.
Each brought their own colors to the team. And I tried to bring my contribution to the team as well. Me being a joker doesn’t mean I enjoy being a clown, but because I know sometimes people just need something to laugh at. I don’t know how others judge me, but I am very clear inside of what I am trying to achieve and what I am trying to do. And I don’t have to explain myself all the time.

I remember when I first join, during the interview, I said that I am really looking for meaning. I was so eager to serve, to give all I have just to serve. But honestly today, I have other things pulling me back and I have a lot more considerations and things to focus my energy on. I question if I have went back on my words. And I always remind myself of how I got started.

As for meaning; have I found it? It is evasive. Sometimes I think I have found part of it. But oftentimes I find that there is still something lacking. Whatever it is, this commitment is for three years and as promised, I will give three years of my life doing this. Perhaps it is what I owe the world for being so problematic when I was younger. Or perhaps I am here just to shift perspectives a little and be the voice of the kinds of youths I know.

To serve. To strive. And not to yield.

-sgBen

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